info @ the P.Pole 10.31.05

5 things that i did today:

• spiked my short hair
• spiked a volleyball at a teammate’s crotch
• broke (rather, crushed) some punk’s arm with my hand
• made a hail-Mary touchdown in professional, lunchtime football
• had pizza as my dinner with cantalope pieces as my beverage

Barney Remixed

I heart you,
and you heart me,
So we shan’t act so melancholy.
With a warming hug and a smile from me to you,
Won’t you say, “Let’s cheer up” too?

Haha, something’s up. Winter’s coming and I fear pathetic fallacy might not be found just in books. I hope my fears are unfounded. *thumbs up*

Waiting to See

Hoping to scratch him as we bleed to death, as we have a shepherd we do not want. I run on a treadmill that never stops. My reflection in the wading pool is dirty, and I’m sickened. It hurts. I’m sick of repetition. An illness spreading, blinding my eyes. Erase my thoughts. Cancel my subscription to the things of this world. In the open eyes of deliverance, I’m colorblind; waiting to see. Wanting to finally say, “No.” and walk away with a smile. Time after time my call is “Game Over”, but again and again this cancer spreads, bleeding and spitting guilt and convictions. As I lay in this pit of defeat… (I once again to strive) to beat it out over and over. So worn. I will defeat this. Worked over with intention to kill, to watch Him die and smile at His dismay, His pain. My deliverance, my cleanliness a gift of freedom. My walk purified. My peace given by God.

- Zao, A Simple Reminder

call it emo, call it stupid. call it demanding, call it selfish. whatever it is, i’m feeling it.

info @ the P.Pole 10.24.05

5 things i find pitiful/disgusting:

• cowardice
• bitterness
• worrying
• lying
• striving to be something in men’s eyes

we’re all like that, so God help us all. amen.

EDIT: does anyone (other than me) ever get the almost-irresistable urge to curse and/or spit in contempt? just wondering.

Who says oldies aren’t good?

Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to you.
By now you should’ve somehow realized what you gotta do.
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Backbeat the word was on the street that the fire in your heart is out.
I’m sure you’ve heard it all before but you never really had a doubt.
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding.
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you,
But I don’t know how.

Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all, you’re my Wonderwall.

Today was gonna be the day but they’ll never throw it back to you.
By now you should’ve somehow realized what you’re not to do.
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

And all the roads that lead to you were winding.
And all the lights that light the way are blinding.
There are many things that I would like to say to you,
But I don’t know how.

I said maybe, you’re gonna be the one who saves me.
And after all, you’re my Wonderwall.

- Oasis, Wonderwall

"My arms are open wide."

Where do I begin? There’s so much I want to say to make it easier.
Tomorrow’s on its way. Do you beileve I want to take your painful memories?

I know you want to run away,
I know that you can’t see tomorrow.

Caroline, let me wipe away your tears, and give you life;
Make you feel beautiful again.
Caroline, don’t throw it all away;
I’m here tonight to take away your pain.

Yesterday is gone and everything that made you cry has fallen to the ground.
I’m here to bring you home. I will always take you back.
(You haven’t let me down)

I know you want to run away,
I know that you can’t see tomorrow.

Caroline, let me wipe away your tears, and give you life;
Make you feel beautiful again.
Caroline, don’t throw it all away;
I’m here tonight to take away your pain.

And when you’re feeling all alone and you can’t go on, remember I am here.
And when you think you’ve gone too far, I’ll meet you where you are.
(My arms are open wide)

I know you want to run away,
I know that you can’t see tomorrow.

Caroline, let me wipe away your tears, and give you life;
Make you feel beautiful again.
Caroline, don’t throw it all away;
I’m here tonight to take away your pain.

Caroline.

- Seventh Day Slumber, Caroline

ENG 2D7

In english class, we’ve just finished studying Such a Long Journey, by Rohinton Mistry, which an informative glimpse into the cultures of the peoples of India in post-war times (1970’s). We just started our study of William Shakespeare’s King Richard III and I must admit, I really am enthralled by this work. Language-wise, it’s the same as Romeo and Juliet (which I, like everyone else, studied in grade nine english), but the context is a bit harder to grasp than just a simple tragic love story. Nevertheless, I found some lines (from just the first couple – literally – of scenes) that were almost too allegorical for comfort.

- Here’s a conversation of Act 1 Scene 2 of King Richard III between the scheming Richard and a grieving Anne. Richard is trying to persuade those in Anne’s livery to obey his commands.

Richard -
Unmannered dog, stand thou when I command.
Advance thy halberd higher than my breast, (40)
Or by Saint Paul, I’ll strike thee to my foot
And spurn upon thee, beggar, for thy boldness.

Anne -
What, do you tremble? Are you all afraid?
Alas, I blame you not, for you are mortal,
And mortal eyes cannot endure the Devil. (45)
Avaunt, thou dreadful minister of Hell.
Thou hadst but power over his mortal body;
His soul thou canst not have. Therefore be gone.

The villanous Richard, who because of his physical deformity cannot make what is good and pleasing, has taken a vow to play the villain, to be the most evil and heinous being possible. Remind you of anyone? Richard plays his part marvellously, hurling empty insults (39, 42!) and threats (41-42). But Anne, the angry and bold master of the servants steps in to steel their hearts against this assault. Questioning whether they are afraid (43), she sympathizes with their plight (44) and outwardly, forwardly accuses Richard of being a devil in guise. She emboldens our hearts and shields them from the villain’s attacks by exposing him for what he really is, the prowling lion that the Devil is, as described by 1 Peter 5:8.

“So humble yourselves before God. Resist the Devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

Enemy at the Gates

Deception is your name. I cried out for your hand. All I see is your foot in my face holding me down, down on the ground. I fall to my knees to praise my Savior. Your eyes are so cold, your hands stained with the blood of children. So you think you can hold me down forever. I will rise and fight ’til my last breath. You put me down to make yourself feel better. The time has come. I’ll stand up. Fight for Christ. He is all I have. I will stand for my King. I’ll praise him every day. Rumors of men in the night, coming to take my life. They came and took your life. Rise again from these ashes and fight. Fight forever. We’ll stand every day to praise His name on high. I will stand and fight forever. I will stand and fight forever more. In this life, you can’t take it. You’re not real. You can’t prove you are. You’re wrong.

- Mortal Treason, Feed On the Weak

I now have an answer to one of the recent “info @ the P.Pole” questions. Hating the Devil is a total go; I justify this that we cannot love one master (God) and another at the same time (Sin). So Satan, you’re totally **screwed, and I’d rather not also be **screwed by association. I’ve gotta fight you, and hard. Time to grab hold of my Bible and Jesus once again.
Thanks for listening and letting me know that I’m not completely alone.

info @ the P.Pole 10.16.05

This upcoming week is going to be a tad bit hectic. I’ve got, so far, 3 volleyball games (for which I will be skipping a fourth period of my school day each), and one volleyball tournament out by Martin Grove and Eglinton (near Lester B. Pearson Int’l Airport O.o) on Friday (meaning that I’ll be rushing back to school and then to church after missing a whole day of school). I’ll also have to catch up with whatever I happen to miss in my missed classes at the same time. i’m going to write my weekly list now.

6 issues that I’ve been mulling over:

• Which is the cause of the other, Satan or Pride (i.e. Sin)? Can Satan tempt himself? Since he chose to sin the very first sin (before he fell, technically; before a Devil who tempts existed), does that mean that even [some] angels were created with an instinctively sinful nature? Were the fallen angels created with a natural sense of pride? If so, were they ‘flawed’? If Satan’s temptation isn’t essential for sins to be committed, would Eve have eaten the Fruit without Satan’s ‘help’? There will be no temptation or evil in heaven when Jesus Christ brings all believers there, but were temptation and evil present in heaven prior to Lucifer’s fall? O.o
• Angels are loved by God. As there cannot be love without choice, angels must’ve been given the ability / priviledge of choice. Some chose to disown God. Can the fallen angels be saved from their sins, and if not, why not? Are they not, like everything else, created (and loved) by God? If they (like man) can choose to sin, can they choose (like man) to return to God through His death and resurrection and thus, be saved from their sins? If there is choice for angels (in heaven), will we have choice (and therefore, the capacity to sin) when we go to heaven? If not, then how can love exist in heaven? O.o
• Are God’s perfect plan and the reality of a fallen world contradictory or complimentary? Did He plan for Lucifer (and effect, all of mankind) to fall or did He simply allow the choices to be made? Naturally, one will wonder: if the possibility of a sinless world could have been entertained even if only for a moment in time, would – for just that moment – there be no purpose behind, no need for Jesus Christ['s sacrifice], thereby eliminating the need for a third of the Triune God completely? If such a moment never existed, was the world was doomed to sin from the start? O.o
• God loves all of His creation (meaning everything in existence). Does that mean that He loves Satan? If not, does that mean that His love isn’t perfect, complete, infinite, and all-encompassing, or does God just choose to whom to extend His love? How can all men be equal in the eyes of God if He chooses to save one over another? Since Jesus died that all sins may be forgiven in hopes that creation could be returned to God’s side, can the Devil (and the other fallen angels), in theory, be saved from sin (i.e. if he/they were acceptant), or does Jesus’ power to save only extend to mankind? If God loves Satan, what does that mean for us Christians, who are called to be like Him in every way possible? Should we pity, ignore, love, or hate Satan? What would Jesus do? O.o
• Is sin something that is created or is it like an energy that can only be transferred but never created or destroyed? If sin cannot be created – isn’t alive, per se – how can it be put to death by Christ? How can we believe that God will abolish Satan and evil forever if it cannot be destroyed? Let’s say it was created and that it can be destroyed. But, if it was / is created, who does the creating? God created everything; is sin/the sinful nature of humans a creation of God? How can this be if all that God creates is good and meant to be pleasing to Him? O.o
• Under which conditions does pudding have the perfect consistency / viscosity / attributes for use as a facial cream? Will flavour have any bearing on its performance as such? O.o

It’s all very muddled in my mind, but I think those are some good questions if you care to follow. I don’t understand, not even what the questions are sometimes, but God must exist. If a meer mortal could ever understand Him completely, He would not be God. One question always leads to another, and yet another.
I feel like the mentally disabled father from I Am Sam who doesn’t have all the answers and is frustrated. But the answers are not what matters. “One’s mental capacity has absolutely no bearing one’s ability to [be] love[d by God].” (**Michelle Pfeiffer, I Am Sam, paraphrased and brackets added by me). That movie was really good. Very moving and meaningful.
Of course, answers / personal hypotheses to the questions are welcome. spread the love / enlightenment! I guess we’re all doomed to a life of seeking more and more of His face. What fun!

Plans – OVERVIEW

“Plans” by Death Cab for Cutie as reviewed / analyzed / commented on by me, Larker.

1. Marching Bands of Manhattan (Gibbard)

If I could open my arms and span the length of the isle of Manhattan,
I’d bring it to where you are, making a lake of the East River and Hudson.
And if I could open my mouth wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing and bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.

I wish we could open our eyes, to see in all directions at the same time.
Oh what a beautiful view, if you were never aware of what was around you.
And it is true what you said: that I live like a hermit in my own head,
But when the sun shines again, I’ll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in.

**
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole,
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound.
But while you debate half-empty or half-full,
It slowly rises: your love is gonna drown.

Comments: Proclaiming love and faith; Accepting enlightenment; Drowning in a pool of pessimism. The debut track on Plans does the album as a whole honour as it aptly presents the band’s style and sound within its 4 minutes and twelve seconds of glory. DCFC shows itself to be emo without being wussy, mellow without being dawdlingly slow and boring. Marching Bands sets the stage for (what will now be expected to be) an awesome album.
Feel: Positive and chill.
Love: Bass.

2. Soul Meets Body (Gibbard)

I want to live where soul meets body.
And let the sun wrap its arms around me.
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing.
And feel, feel what it’s like to be new.
‘Cause in my head there’s a Greyhound station,
Where I send my thoughts to far-off destinations,
So they may have a chance of finding a place where they’re far more suited than here.

And I cannot guess what we’ll discover,
When we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels.
But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s,
And not one speck will remain.

I do believe it’s true that there are roads left in both of our shoes.
But if the silence takes you then I hope it takes me too.
So Brown Eyes I hold you near, ’cause you’re the only song I want to hear.
A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere.

Where soul meets body.

Comments: Looking forward to something better; Hoping in the unknown; Friends helping one another; Persevering. The first (so far, only) single off of Plans is Soul Meets Body. As expected of a single, SMB continues the positive wave of emotions from Marching Bands. With a driving beat and optimistic lyrics, DCFC paints a picture of brighter horizons for the listener. Definitely single-worthy.
Feel: Upbeat and cheerful.
Love: Lyrics.

3. Summer Skin (Gibbard / McGerr / Walla)

Squeaky swings and tall grass.
The longest shadows ever cast.
The water’s warm and children swim,
And we frolicked about in our summer skin.

I don’t recall a single care.
Just greenery and humid air.
Then Labor Day came and went,
And we shed what was left of our summer skin.

On the night you left I came over,
And we peeled the freckles from our shoulders.
Our brand new coats so flushed and pink,
And I knew your heart I couldn’t win.
‘Cause the season’s change was a conduit,
And we left our love in our summer skin.

Comments: Love lost to winds of time. Summer Skin stands in stark contrast to the first two tracks. Plans now slows down for some melancholy reminiscence of good times had in the past. We’vc now gone from hoping in the future to mourning after the past. Contrary to most conventions, the bass – the quiet, reserved, and resonating murmur of a band – plays the main riff of this song. The rich and sonorous tone of the bass I found quite fitting of the depressive mood of my beloved Summer Skin.
Feel: Forlorn and nostalgic.
Love: Needless to say, bass.

4. Different Names for the Same Thing (Gibbard)

Alone on a train aimless in wander.
An outdated map crumpled in my pocket.
But I didn’t care where I was going,
‘Cause they’re all different names for the same place.

The coast disappeared when the sea drowned the sun,
And I knew no words to share it with anyone.
The boundaries of language I quietly cursed.
All the different names for the same thing.

Comments: Weakness of the human mind to understand the thoughts, not words, of others. Slow and moody, Gibbard’s glum vocals and gloomy piano slowly give way to a more lively second half of the track, bringing in the bass and the drums. I’m still quite undecided on this song’s standing in my mind, mainly because of the drastic change of tempo about a little less than half-way through the song. It’s, nevertheless, amazing.
Feel: Depressive and cheery. O.o
Love: Lyrics.

5. I Will Follow You into the Dark (Gibbard)

Love of mine some day you will die,
But I’ll be close behind and I’ll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white.
Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.

**
But if heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
And illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs,
If there’s no one beside you when your soul embarks,
Then I’ll follow you into the dark.

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman Rule,
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black.
And I held my tongue as she told me, “Son,
Fear is the heart of love,” so I never went back.

You and me, we’ve seen everything to see.
From Bangkok to Calgary and the soles of your shoes,
Are all worn down: the time for sleep is now,
But it’s nothing to cry about.
‘Cause we’ll hold each other soon in the blackest of rooms.

Comments: Sticking with friends through it all; Fear, Love, and Hurt; Waiting for the right time. Perhaps one of the best songs on Plans – if not the best – is I Will Follow You into the Dark. The most beauty can be found in the simplest of things and this track reeks of simplicity: it’s completely acoustic. The lyrics are poetic and charged with meaning, yet direct all at once. The bare bone vocals and acoustic guitar blend nicely to warm the heart of the lucky listener.
Feel: … : )
Love: Everything.

6. Your Heart Is an Empty Room (Gibbard)

Burn it down ’til the embers smoke on the ground,
And start new when your heart is an empty room,
With walls of the deepest blue.

Home’s face: how it ages when you’re away,
And spring blooms and you find a love that’s true.
But you don’t know what now to do,
‘Cause the chase is all you know and she stopped running months ago.

**
And all you see is where else you could be when you’re at home.
And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone.

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window,
And disappeared with everything that you held dear.
But you shed not a single tear,
For the things that you didn’t need,
‘Cause you knew you were finally free.

‘Cause all you see is where else you could be when you’re at home.
And there on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone.

Comments: Primary succession (>_O); Restlessness of mankind’s heart. This song reminds me of U2’s Crumbs From Your Table, mainly because of the electric guitar parts. This song gets back to the happier aspects of life, such as second chances and starting over.
Feel: Consoling and hopeful.
Love: Lyrics.

7. Someday You Will Be Loved (Gibbard / Walla)

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth,
With eyes like the summer: all beauty and truth.
But in the morning I fled, left a note and it read:
“Someday you will be loved.”

And I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
‘Cause each broken heart will eventually mend.
Just as the blood runs red down the needle and thread.
Someday you will be loved.

**
You’ll be loved you’ll be loved
Like you never have known
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams.
Just a series of blurs: like I never occurred.
And someday you will be loved.

You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep,
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks.
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet.
And someday you will be loved.

Comments: One sided love; Choosing what’s best for the beloved over happiness. Quite possibly the saddest song on Plans, Someday talks of the tragedy of unreciprocated love. As can be expected, the song is slow and Gibbard’s hapless vocals sing out the heavy-hearted mood. There’s a sense of self-pity to be found in the lyrics, as if the heart were torn between its desires for its own needs and the joy of a loved one. Awkwardly enough, I found that his act of sacrificing one’s own desires and leaving her so that she may be happy – i.e. finding love with someone else – is in fact what love should cause: a selfless form of care for another’s well-being. Therefore, he does love her and she is loved, in the present. It’s just that neither of them know it.
Feel: Emo-like-there’s-no-tomorrow and depressive.
Love: Ideas / themes.

8. Crooked Teeth (Gibbard / Walla)

It was 100 degrees, as we sat beneath a willow tree whose tears didn’t care,
They just hung in the air and refused to fall.
And I knew I’d made horrible call and now the state line felt like the Berlin wall,
And there was no doubt about which side I was on.
‘Cause I built You a home in my heart with rotten wood and it decayed from the start.

Cause you can’t find nothin’ at all if there was nothin’ there all along.

I braved treacherous streets and kids strung out on homemade speed.
And we shared a bed in which I could not sleep at all.
‘Cause at night the sun in retreat made the skyline look like crooked teeth in the mouth of a man who was devouring us both.

You’re so cute when you’re slurring your speech but they’re closing the bar and they want us to leave.

And you can’t find nothin’ at all if there was nothin’ there all along.

I’m a war of head versus heart and it’s always this way.
My head is weak and my heart always speaks before I know what it will say.

And you can’t find nothin’ at all if there was nothin’ there all along.
There were churches, theme parks and malls but there was nothing there all along.

Comments: Saving one’s heart for special persons; Spirit Vs. Flesh; Dealing with failures and resulting consequences. At first glance (or listen) crooked teeth is cheerful and uplifting (especially considering the previous track), but this, I found, turned out to be almost sarcastic in nature. I looked at the song’s lyrics to find that they actually talk about being isolated by one’s own actions/failures. They tease and mock, stating the obvious and sad truth in a buoyant voice. I think that this song is also single-worthy, if DCFC were to release another.
Feel: Cheerful yet sardonic.
Love: Bass and lyrics.

9. What Sarah Said (Gibbard / Harmer)

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time,
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409.
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself that I’d already taken too much today,
As each descending peak on the LCD took you a little farther away from me.

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye,
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds.
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all,
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself.

‘Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room.
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news.
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads.
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said:
That “love is watching someone die.”

So who’s going to watch you die?

Comments: Love is faithful, even to death. I think this is one of the more… expressive (?) songs of Plans. The deep lyrics probe the soul, stirring up questions and provoking thought. It’s heartfelt and meaningful, questioning the authenticity of love. Who truly loves you? More importantly, who do you truly love? Would they be found beside your death bed? Would you be found taking their place in theirs? I know of only One that would do such a thing. Guess who. *looks up*
Feel: Thoughtful and solemn.
Love: Lyrics.

10. Brothers on a Hotel Bed (Gibbard / Walla)

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting ’cause I’m not who I used to be.
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise the youthful boy below,
Who turned your way and saw something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end.
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize when he catches his reflection on accident.

On the back of a motorbike with your arms outstretched trying to take flight, leaving everything behind.
But even at our swiftest speed we couldn’t break from the concrete in the city where we still reside.
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea, like navy men,
‘Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides like brothers on a hotel bed.

Comments: Inescapable humanity; Changing and aging, for better or for worse; Dealing with being who you are. Another slower, pretty song. Gentle piano and vocals lull and calm. For me, Brothers coaxes me to accept that we really are all human, regardless of our efforts to break away from our evil, earthly natures – for now anyway.
Feel: Contented and peaceful.
Love: Piano.

11. Stable Song (Gibbard)

Time for the final bout.
Rows of deserted houses.
All our stablemates highway bound.

Give us our measly sum.
Getting the air inside my lungs is heavenly.
Starting out with nothing but crippling doubt.

We’ll rest easy, justified.

I suffered a swift defeat.
I’ll endure countless repeats.
The gift of memory is an awful curse.
With age it just gets much worse but I won’t mind.

Comments: Learning to live on in spite of the ever-deplorable past. The final segment of Plans isn’t a bang of a finish. Stable Song is a retrospective song, fittingly placed at the end of the album. Effortlessly flowing from one to another, this last song is marginally harder than What Sarah Said and Brothers. A great way to end off a great album.
Feel: Pensive and reflective.
Love: Progression.

Plans is definitely one of my favourite albums as of date, as are most of the albums that I would pay dearly to own. I don’t really believe in spam-buying of CD’s, but Plans was and is a must own. Of course, this overview has been but a fumbling in the dark for me to try and describe in written text what can only be properly understood and appreciated when heard and experienced first hand. Like any good story, good music should explore and examine man’s internal being, stimulating the mind towards insightful meditation and thought, and Plans does this.